i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
