I want to have your abortion
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
