Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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