i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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