you guys were way drunker than both of me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
