if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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