all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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