so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
