y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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