just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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