Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
