Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
