omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
