Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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