you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
