Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
