she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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