Please, let me fuck your mom
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
