Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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