I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize