I think I died a long time ago.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
