I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
