I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
