I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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