and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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