Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
time to smoke my breakfast
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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