All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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