It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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