I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
