so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
