I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
