Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have tasted many bathrooms
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
