i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
