Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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