I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
