Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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