I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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