I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
