come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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