I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
