he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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