piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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