dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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