I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
