Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
