After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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