***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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