ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
