Kareoke will never be a sober sport
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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