shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Don't make out with my wife yet
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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