I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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