Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
