you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize