Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
