ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
