Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
