It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
well you can't waste a boner
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
