Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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