I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
