I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
