he wants to bone in the snuggie
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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