grandma shit on top of the toilet
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
