90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We just shotgunned beers for America
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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