Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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